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Understanding domestic violence is the first step toward ending it. Knowledge empowers survivors, supporters, and communities.
What Is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence is a pattern of coercive tactics used by one person to gain and maintain power and control over another in an intimate relationship. It can include physical, psychological, sexual, economic, and emotional abuse.
Domestic violence does not discriminate. It affects people of every age, gender, race, religion, income level, and education. It can happen in marriages, dating relationships, and between family members.
If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, you are not alone. Help is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week through our crisis line at (503) 897-2327.
Warning Signs of an Abuser
Abuse often starts subtly and escalates over time. Recognizing these patterns can help you or someone you care about get help sooner.
Myths & Facts
Myth
Domestic violence only happens in low-income families.
Fact
Domestic violence occurs in every community regardless of income, education, race, religion, or background.
Myth
Alcohol and drugs cause domestic violence.
Fact
Substance abuse may make violence worse, but it does not cause it. Many abusers are sober, and many people who drink never become abusive.
Myth
The victim must have provoked the abuse.
Fact
No one deserves to be abused. The abuser alone is responsible for their behavior. Violence is a choice.
Myth
It's just an anger management problem.
Fact
Abusers choose who they abuse and when. They often behave normally in public and only abuse in private — this is about power and control, not anger.
Myth
Children who grow up with violence will become abusers.
Fact
While exposure to violence is a risk factor, many people who witnessed abuse as children grow up to be non-violent. With support, cycles can be broken.
Myth
If it were really that bad, they would just leave.
Fact
Leaving is the most dangerous time for a victim. Fear, financial dependence, children, isolation, and trauma bonding make leaving extremely difficult.
The Cycle of Violence
Domestic violence often follows a repeating cycle. Understanding these stages can help survivors recognize patterns and seek help.
1. Set-Up
The abuser creates a situation or finds a reason to justify the abuse. They may pick a fight or manufacture conflict.
2. Abuse
The abuser acts out with physical, emotional, sexual, or psychological violence. This is the most dangerous phase.
3. Guilt
The abuser may feel guilt — not for what they did, but for the potential consequences of being caught or losing control.
4. Rationalization
The abuser makes excuses, minimizes, or blames the victim. "You made me do this." "It wasn't that bad." "If you hadn't…"
5. "Normal" Behavior
The abuser may act as if nothing happened or become charming and attentive again, making the victim question whether the abuse was real.
6. Fantasy & Planning
The abuser begins planning the next episode. They may set traps, create scenarios, or fantasize about the next act of control or violence.
You are not alone.
It is not your fault.
We believe you.
Need Help? We're Here.
Our crisis line is free, confidential, and available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
(503) 897-2327